Don't Wanna Be Torn
by xEmerald Isle
Summary: Cartman is crazy about Kyle. He hates how much he loves him but who can ever control oneself when it comes to matters of the heart? The only thing Cartman wants to discover is, does Kyle feel the same way? Kyman.


_Hello, everyone! =D_

_I haven't written anything properly in a long long time. I've just been so busy and unmotivated. _

_I recently finished a book called 'Fangirl' by Rainbow Rowell, which is an incredible book. And it inspired and motivated me to get back into writing._

_This fanfic is a Kyman one that's been sitting on my laptop since forever but I've finally decided to get it out and edit it and upload it. Still have a lot of work to do on it, but I hope I can make it decent! _

_Here's the first chapter. Hope you enjoy! It's Cartman's POV, by the way._

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_Why_? Why me? Why him? Why did this have to happen to me? Why, out of all people, does it have to be _**him**_?

All these questions… and I have no fucking idea how to answer any of them! They're such annoying bullshit questions that never seem to be far from my mind. I ask these same questions all the time and it just pisses me off more and more each time I can't answer them.

Seriously, out of all the people I know, out of all the sexy hot girls or the tall strong guys that are in my classes, my stupid heart had to belong to him.

'Him' being that no-good, scrawny, sneaky, irritating little Jew-rat who goes by the name of Kyle Broflovski. The one person I've hated all my life since the day we practically met is now the boy I can't stop thinking about. The one who won't leave my mind, no matter how hard I try to forget him. The one who gives me that dark look whenever I piss him off and I end up getting lost in those sexy green eyes of his. The one who turns me on when he argues with me over the stupidest things. The one who's practically captured my stupid mess of a heart.

I don't know how that's even possible. I mean, me and the **Jew**! That's just wrong. It's just so fucking wrong. How could I have feelings for _him_? It makes no fucking sense!

-.-.-.-.-.-

I exhale a long drawn-out sigh as my alarm goes off a second time, practically yelling at me to get out of bed. Stupid alarm clock…

I groan and shut it off quickly - before I end up getting so annoyed I decide to break it - and force myself to fully open my eyes. I know I'm awake; I have been for the past twenty minutes. I just don't want to leave my bed. Not that I'm lazy or anything… I just don't want to go to school and have to see that god damn Jew again. I know I have no fucking choice though.

With one last sigh, I push myself up into a sitting position and rub my eyes with my knuckles. I then groggily climb out of bed and start getting ready for the place known as 'school' but which I call 'Hell.'

After a quick bowl of cereal, a slice of toast, two sausages, bacon and an egg, all washed down with a full glass of orange juice, I grab my coat and leave the house, struggling to put on my coat as I walk. I glance down at my watch and realise I'm somehow a bit earlier than usual. I decide to slow down my pace and end up practically dragging myself along to the bus stop, taking long heavy steps while my mind wanders.

When I finally reach the bus stop, I see Kyle and Stan there, facing one another and chatting, unaware of my presence. I don't like being unnoticed and so decide to make my presence known.

"Hey, fags," I greet them, making my voice sound louder than their chattering voices so they can hear me loud and clear.

They both briefly turn towards me and roll their eyes before completely ignoring me and continuing with whatever it is they were talking about before. I don't bother listening to hear what they're talking about. I honestly couldn't care less. I just stand beside them, next to Kyle, letting my eyes scout the area, though there's nothing interesting to focus on.

After a few minutes of complete boredom, I exhale a loud sigh, causing both Stan and Kyle to glance over at me questioningly. I look back at the two of them and shrug. "I'm bored," I say simply, answering their unasked question.

Kyle rolls his eyes again, obviously not caring, and doesn't bother continuing to talk to Stan, knowing I'll probably interrupt them a third time.

"Fine then. What do you want to talk about, fatass?" he asks gruffly.

It's my turn to roll my eyes this time. Kyle knows all too well that I'm not a 'fatass' anymore. I've slimmed down over the past few years and I've lost my baby fat. I'm not as slim as Kyle or Stan, or especially not skinny-ass Kenny, but I'm not fat anymore. Stupid Jew…

"Kahl, you know that I'm not fat anymore so stop calling me 'fatass' or I'll kick your ass!" I snap, glaring at him.

He rolls his eyes for the third fucking time and I growl in irritation. "You're so god damn annoying, Jew," I tell him, and he shoots me an incredulous look.

"**I'm** the annoying one?" he cries. "You're the one who rips on me all the time for stupid reasons! Why can't you ever just leave me alone for once, you fucking asshole!"

I narrow my eyes at him for a moment before smirking. "I don't leave you alone because I _enjoy_ pissing you off, Kahl."

He groans and I smirk wider, enjoying the hateful glint in his eyes. Those sexy, emerald-green eyes…

I blink quickly and look away to stop myself falling captive under his hypnotic eyes. Ugh, I hate that Jew so much for making me feel like this towards him. I just want to beat him so hard until that perfect face is rearranged. Maybe then, I wouldn't feel like this.

I couldn't do that though. I would never want to do anything to harm that pretty little face of his, even if it is _Kyle_ I'm talking about. It's too precious…

"Uhh… Cartman?"

I blink in surprise, torn from my thoughts, and look over to see Stan giving me a strange look, one eyebrow cocked. "Dude, you were just in some weird trance or something for a while," he tells me, and I roll my eyes.

"What, Stan, am I not allowed to fucking daydream?" I snap.

"No, it's not that. You just looked… strange. One minute you were glaring into space and the next you were grinning like an idiot." He chuckles.

I shrug and shoot him a glare. "It's none of your god damn business, hippie," I say and then look away, gazing out onto the boring street of South Park while waiting for the bus, trying hard not to end up daydreaming again in case I blurt out Kyle's name or something, which I'd definitely regret.

Instead, I actually listen to what Stan and Kyle start talking about. Stan asks Kyle where the hell Kenny is and Kyle answers that he's not sure but that he was fine last night when they were chatting online.

Weird, I had almost forgotten about that poor piece of shit. I didn't even notice he wasn't here. I guess I'm too busy stuck on that god damn Jew to notice anything else. If an alien spaceship the size of seven football pitches landed right in front of me, I probably wouldn't have noticed. That Jew is glued onto my mind. Ugh.

The bus finally arrives and both Stan and Kyle hop on together, with me following behind. They sit beside each other, of course, and I sit behind them alone since Kenny isn't here. I let out a sigh and press my forehead against the window, staring outside in boredom.

"Uh… h-hey, Eric!" greets a very familiar voice, and I reluctantly turn my head to see Butters Stotch standing by my seat, the usual annoying little smile plastered onto his annoying face.

"Hey, Butters," I reply dully, returning my gaze outside the window.

From the corner of my eye, I see him still standing there, twiddling his thumbs, an annoyingly bad habit of his, and looking down at me.

"Umm… d-do you mind if I sit here?" he asks politely and I shrug in response, not in the mood to tell him 'no' and to 'fuck off.'

He smiles happily and plops down beside me, holding his schoolbag in front of him on his lap as if someone's going to steal it from him. His blue eyes focus on my face as he smiles and I start to feel uncomfortable. I shoot him a sideways glance and he finally looks away, leaving me in peace while I stare out the window again, looking out at nothing in particular.

My mind begins to wander again and of course a certain red-headed Jew appears in my head, causing me to groan in annoyance. Butters shoots me a curious look but I ignore him. Instead, I just allow my mind to focus on Kyle, for reasons I don't know.

My mind unwillingly shows me and Kyle in my bedroom, Kyle standing directly in front of me, wearing nothing on his upper half and wearing a pair of tight black jeans on his lower half. His eyes are gleaming with lust as he stares into my own eyes. He places a hand on my cheek and his face leans in closer to mine. "I love you, Eric," he whispers, and my face lights up.

"I love you too, Kahl," I say, and only realise when Butters shoots me an incredulous look that I had said that aloud. _Shit._

I slap my hand over my gaping mouth in shock and feel my cheeks start to burn up as I feel Butters' eyes on me. I reluctantly look over at him and see a look of bewildered surprise on his face, his eyes widened and his eyebrows raised.

Luckily, Stan and Kyle are chatting and laughing about something else in front of me and so didn't hear. And there's no one behind me so Butters is the only one who heard. Thank fuck!

He starts twiddling his thumbs again and looks at me nervously, his lips pressed together in a thin line before speaking. "Umm… E-Eric? D-did you just say you love Kyle?" he asks, eying me nervously.

I look away quickly, feeling like kicking myself for letting that slip. How fucking retarded am I?

"N-no, Butters," I reply. "Kahl is a no-good stinking Jew-rat who I despise with all my heart and soul. How could I possibly like him?"

"B-but you just said-"

"Ah, it was a joke, Butters. I always say stuff I don't actually mean. You were meant to laugh."

Butters looks troubled for a split second before laughing nervously and looking down again. I can see he's thinking hard, his eyebrows furrowed as he twiddles his thumbs. "How come I n-never heard you b-blurt out jokes about this kinda stuff before?"

I blink slowly, thinking fast. "What are you talking about, Butters? I make jokes about _everything._ Don't you even know me at all?"

"Oh… well a-alright then," he replies, shooting me a little smile and leaving it at that.

I mentally breathe a sigh of relief and lean my head back against my seat, realising my heart is beating faster than normal. That was way too close a call. Good thing Butters is a complete idiot.

The bus reaches the school in just over ten minutes and it parks just outside the gate. South Park High, the mess of a school I'm stuck in for the next three years. God, I hate this place.

Everyone stands up from their seats once the bus comes to a complete stop and hops off the bus. I follow behind Butters until I'm off the bus. Then I spot Stan and Kyle a few yards ahead, nearly inside the school gates. I groan and start running towards them, trying to reach them before they reach the school. When I reach them, panting, I place a hand on Kyle's shoulder to stop them walking and get them to wait a minute.

"Wow, you're tired after running from the bus to here? Dude…" says Stan, shaking his head in disbelief at my unfitness.

I shoot him a dark glare before keeping my eyes straight ahead, walking at the same pace as them and heading towards the door of the school, trying to control my breathing so as not to sound out-of-shape and exhausted.

As we walk into the school, I notice Kyle and Stan whispering quietly to each other and, of course, I'm curious to know what they're saying.

"What are you two fags talking about?" I ask straight-out.

They instantly shut up and Kyle's eyes fall to the floor. Stan decides to answer.

"N-nothing," he says and I raise an eyebrow.

"Oh _really_? Why were you whispering then?" I ask.

"W-we were just talking about homework," he replies. "We decided to whisper so you wouldn't hear and start complaining about the topic."

I stare at him uncertainly for a moment before glancing at Kyle, whose eyes are still on the floor as we walk, and I notice a strange look on his face. He looks… sad or worried or something. Hmm… weird.

I decide to let the subject drop for now, though I'm still curious about it. I'll get one of them to tell me later, preferably Kyle since he's an easier target. All I have to do is keep pissing him off until he finally gives up and tells me. Stan isn't as easy to anger and he's not as fun.

The three of us walk in silence towards our lockers and I use the silence to try and think of ways to really piss the Jew off. To be honest, I don't even need to think of any ideas since pissing off that Jew is like stealing candy from a baby! I still think though. I want to think of the best ways to anger him until he can't take it anymore and tells me.

My head is so focused on coming up with new insults and plans to anger Kyle that I don't notice Stan is gone and I've just followed Kyle all the way to his locker. I only notice when the Jew stops, causing me to also stop. I blink in surprise and realise he's staring at me oddly.

"What?" I ask.

"Your locker is way back there, fatass. Why'd you follow me to mine?" he asks frowning, folding his arms across his chest.

I press my lips tightly together and glance upwards towards the ceiling, as if I'll get an answer from there, and then look back at the Jew, who's giving me an annoyed and impatient look. I finally decide I can't answer and just shrug.

He groans in irritation and turns to face his locker. He starts putting in his combination code for his lock, blocking it with his arm so I don't see. I roll my eyes and leave him, trying to stay focused on where I'm going. Who knew one little Jew could distract me so much?

I reach my own locker and put in my own combination, checking first to make sure no one's looking, and then open it to take out the books I need. I glance at my timetable stuck to the inside of the door of my locker and check what my first four classes are. Ugh! History, Maths, Geography and German. Well German's pretty awesome, I guess. It's pretty cool learning the language of the completely awesome Hitler! But the other three classes suck ass, big-time.

And the worst part is that Kyle is in the first three classes! He doesn't do German; he chose fucking French instead. What a pussy.

I can never focus on anything but him when we're in the same classes. Well, even if we're not in the same classes, I still can't focus properly, except in German. I can pay attention in that class since it's pretty awesome. But whenever we're in the same classes, my eyes seem to always look in his direction of their own accord and then I don't have the strength to look away.

Ugh, I hate that Jew so god damn much! But I also love him so much, even though that makes no fucking sense at all. How can you love _and_ hate someone at the same time? It's fucking impossible!

Then again, this **is** South Park, the only town in the whole fucking world where impossible things are made possible. God, I hate this place so much.

The very first thing I'm going to do when I graduate from this hell-hole in three years is leave South Park for good, never to return. I'll live in a place far far away from here, where everything is normal. And I'll take Kyle with me. I don't care how much he protests; he's coming with me no matter what. I'd love to be able to say that I'm strong enough to leave him behind and let him chart his own course or something gay like that, but the truth is.. I'm not. I can't stick the thought of leaving him behind, never to see him again, never to see those sexy green eyes of his again, never to see that mess of red hair again that I'm so fucking desperate to run my hand through, never to see any part of him again… Never being able to piss him off to the point where his face goes bright red and I think I'm about to cause a Jew explosion… No, I could never do that. I could never leave him behind. As faggy as it sounds, that Jew means more to me than anything right now. He **will** be mine one day and then I'll take him with me, away from this fucked-up town. That is my goal.

But, that's all planned for the future. Right now is what matters. I have to think about the present.

The bell for the first class suddenly rings, snapping me from my thoughts. My eyes widen when I realise I haven't even finished getting my books yet and I seem to be the only one still at my locker. Everyone else is waiting outside their classes, about to head inside.

Today is going to be a long ass day…

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_Well, there's the first chapter. I know nothing really happens in it but I hope you enjoyed it anyway._

_Please review and tell me what you think! _

_I really hope some of my old Kyman fans are still around. If so, give me a shout. I'd love to speak to you guys again! =D_

_Oh, and Chapter 2 will hopefully be up soon. =) xxx_


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